Entry: Lembit Öpik

Here’s what to do when you receive a tweet from Lembit: ignore it. Contrast this with when you see a tweet from him directed at the open void of the internet but aimed vaguely at Nick Clegg, the reaction to which should always involve laughter, hilarity, and much ridicule.

Lembit specimen

Described as a “not fantastic” but also “not completely awful” stand-up comedian, and doubtlessly less successful wrestler, this particular Lembit once served as a Liberal Democrat MP for Montgomeryshire (it’s in Wales). Since losing his seat in 2010, he can often be found floundering around the internet and party conferences attempting to peddle his book, get a private audience with Clegg, or make sincerely and amusingly un-ironic comments about the secret to success in British politics.

Generally, Lembit appears where one least expects or wants him to appear, and in part explains the complex set of emotions that flash across the faces of most Liberal Democrats when they are reminded that he is indeed still ‘one of them’.

His ‘prominence’ as a public figure largely derives from him having dated one of the first (questionably) human clones: the Cheeky Girls. Apparently this qualifies him for providing sage advice to the leadership of his party, and is an achievement which supposedly merits his continued relevance to British politics.

The Guide recommends that if such a Lembit does attempt to interact and impart sage advice, that the reader quickly retreats and pretends they didn’t hear anything. What Lembit? I don’t know any Lembit? What even is a Lembit?

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